My partner thinks I m silly and tells me not to say things like she does not want me but its true, he never worries cause she wants him all the time. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. Rather the contrary; that you have helped him become so secure that he is now ready to face the world. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. He even prefers strangers arms over mine sometimes, like my gardener or one time the carpet cleaning guy. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. Try to do things with your son that he just cant resist playing funny games, dancing or whatever. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. Try movement like rocking 4. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. But again, to keep you in their minds even when youre not there, both recordings and video conversations might be good. When I think about it, it really is a good thing that she loves her daycare. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. Another aspect is that neither you nor your son seems to be comfortable with the role you have right now. I have a step-son myself, and even though his mom is great, he absolutely did not want to talk to her on the phone when he was little. Skin contact is great for bonding. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). So here comes my last advice. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). Very hard, even. the only way she would stop crying is if i gave her to her caretaker. i feel that i been such a great mommy for him soo loving and careing his my everything but he started acting weird like a week ago it seems that he prefers his daddy more than me he works full time. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. by Ashley Jones July 13, 2021 Everything that happens in your life once you have a baby just feels different.. i also wrote here several months ago. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Offensively taken, it means that im not a good mother!? Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. I am in the same boat. I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. Im very concerned about you. This could change any day. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. I just adopted a 22-month-old girl, I have had her a week and a half. A few months ago my fiance lost her job and is at home 24/7. I am 7 months pregnant again and am terrified that I will cling to this baby in a way to have the bond I dont have with my daughter. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! Please help..I think I am loosing my mind.. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. I understand what you are saying about your little girl. I dont know what to do. and I'll see you tonight! im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. That's where you come to her rescue and change all that with this gift for a mom going back to work. my daughter is now one year old and our bond has strengthened. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. read about this website and how it all started here. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. Moms Question: It really hurts me. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. I work 6 days a week an Im home at nights but when he sees me he wont come to me and when I pick him up he throws his head back an starts to kick an screaming an he either runs to his mom or anyone else an its really killing me inside an it makes me feel he doesnt want me but like everybody else Im the only one that can put him to sleep an calm him down but its just hurts me that he doesnt want to be around me my heart is broken I been told it was a phase but I dont know bout that What can I do to want him to want me? You and your wife disagree on how to deal with several issues regarding your son and you take on the role of being the one disciplining him. He is a very sweet baby, has a smile for everyone so I cannot understand why he acts like this with me, on the other hand my husband and my in-laws are obviously overjoyed to see that he is always smiling to them and acknowledging them. Let's go for a stroll! Thank you for letting us know that things got better, it has made all the difference to me. it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. Hi, mummys! Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. Secondly, it will help you and your hubby becoming partners in parenting more. Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. My son is fine with me round anyone else. Thanks for taking the time to read, Im often doing something else at the same time as interacting with them. Seems to be a bit of a pattern in the posts that I have read from you all. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. I try to be a good mum, I stay at home and try to take her out every day to do new things, I play with her and sing her songs. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. She even slapped me in the face. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. If anything, it will harm the situation more. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. For example, dinner time could be a point in time where after your mom stays away from your daughter as much as possible. When I do leave him he doesnt even notice. I get jealous sometimes, and I wish that this was easier. I think there are two things you should do. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. I cant imagine how hard it must be to have lived with this with your daughter for years. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. I totally understand that you are thinking about another job, and maybe that isnt such a bad idea over time But until then or if you choose not to, there are a few things you can do. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. I am a dad in the same boat. If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. she is three now. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. Never has. Pin it or frame it at a place where you can give a quick look. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. Although I?m not working my mother in law takes care of him most of the time as he hates to be with me. But when I worked at being breezy, he seemed to want to be around me again. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. My daughter is 15months old. Babies can feel our tension. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) I just want to know what I am doing wrong, so I can change it. I guess i am being silly. Hi All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. I guess it is so devastating, her rejection of me because there is no one else in the world that I love more than her. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. I feel very sad when this happens as I am already sitting in my home for her resigned from my job.She never wants to come to me. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Read on for tips on how to make it work for you and your baby. or something similar. You are great mother, try to relax and just love your little independent son. She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. What a painful situation you are in! Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. A new baby has arrived, and mom is busy being a mom! But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. I might as well try to change my perception of what is happening. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. baby rejecting mom after going back to work There is simply no replacement for a mother, period. I am thankful that my MIL is there to help us out. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. My husband sees him an hour per day if that and goes out of town a lot. Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? Frankly, Im glad Im not the only one in the world who is going through this. Im a 26 yr old dad. Mom's Question: You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. This will not affect your long-term relationship in any way, as long as you can stay cool about it. Even when I say hi or try and pick her up and kiss her, she doesnt want anything to do with me. In fact she would scream and cry I will always take her out of her room and try to pacify her. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. I hope its just a phase. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. Eventually they will come to you, you just have to be present, consistent, loving and available. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. My youngest daughter is almost 2 years old. Plan pumping while at work. I would hate for it to be the opposite. Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. I am drained to the point where I Some babies who take a bottle early . Just show you love them and never give up on them. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. After a mid year holiday I started a new term and now she seems to pretty much loathe me when I get home and quite frankly it is breaking my heart. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. They need physical closeness, frequent eye contact, reassurance, tenderness and loveand it must be consistent and from the same personpreferably from the mother, who also feeds the baby. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. I cant seem to find this answer. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. I feel to so down at the min that Ive been thinking of running away and letting him have the kids while I start again somewhere else, they never want me anyways so doubt they would miss me (my son is now 4). A scary thought! I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? we have gotten into many fights because she is always questioning all i do and getting involved with me and him since i came home from the hospital every single morning she came in the room and took him at first i though it was OK but ten she never stopped and when I didnt wanna give her to him she slammed the door or would get mad. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! Awaken his interest by laying down on the floor and playing with his toys, start kicking a ball, or whatever will catch his interest. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. she enjoys talking to him on a phone. You can read more about baby development at different months here. Please help! I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. Which just doesnt help at all! I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). Help . I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. 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