What got her so pissed at me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend who happened to be my friend, and she thought i was the one who told him. Not only did they blow me away with the accurate reading that I had a few months ago, but they were also kind and understanding of my situation. Still, I'm sure there are plenty of folks, in-law or blood related, who simply don't like each other. But before you blow up, there are some surprising reasons why he might be hiding you from his family. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. He is not her partner; he is her bf. This makes me mad. This really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to voice his opinion. But with his family, its an exception. I'd be gone. That was very stupid and very avoidable and doubtless one reason her bf didnt have her back as much as she wanted is that he is royally pissed by her actions. He doesnt have your back. Seriously, wtf. Spare me Why did you sabotage their relationship? Would I go over to her house 2 days later and throw a nutty? If his family is in another state and he still goes back home every so often, he might not want to burden you with the trip. Not so much the damage to your truck, thats out of line, but probably everything he said to you. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesnt defend me in front of his friends. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. Need Advice! What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? This doesnt make sense to me because they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them how he felt? They are the ones that really matter here. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. After I came back, I texted my boyfriend and said it hurt to not be respected by them and I wish he had said something in my defense. He also is known to have major anger issues. It is unacceptable.. He pushed me, threatened me, and verbally and emotionally abused me. In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. What do i do? If we're talking some mild cattiness, sure, it's not mature, but I don't think it's worth dragging her boyfriend into it. But am I making too big of a deal about this? Normally im a very direct person, to a fault. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. Cleopatra Jones A man might keep you from his family because they might not approve of you. Jesus. November 30, 2017, 9:55 am. He's nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he'd be more angry for me. Theyve been together for three years. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was in it trying to drive away. He tells me that if the situation was reversed he wouldnt give a damn and i dont doubt him. I dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet. Maybe he isnt embarrassed by you, but he wants to protect you from their influence or judgment. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? 1. Your question is one about appropriateness, and while the situation is certainly more complicated than it was before you son and his girlfriend broke up, its not really as complicated as you might think. Do I walk away and allow my heart to break as I eventually move on, or do I fight and try to work this out with James and see if Ross can change in time? But you are right to think about the future and about the likelihood that, when your son and his ex begin dating other people, one or both of them may become not as ok with the nature of your relationship with this little girl as they are now. Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. I dont think Ross uses rage as a weapon of control. LW #1: But you dont think its appropriate to confront someone you love and care about when they have serious issues with alcohol (or other drugs)? December 1, 2017, 8:45 pm. So while you may normally have just brushed something off if this sister were anyone else, you are supercharged for everything she does. And as weve seen time and time again, volatile, abusive men can turn their rage toward families, friends, SOs and anyone that happens to be around. Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). Assaulted! Bittergaymark December 2, 2017, 1:31 pm. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. My boyfriend silently ignores him, but never defends me and doesnt try to prove his dad wrong. They've made comments on my looks, interests, lifestyle, etc,. Commentary by:Joe Jo (Twitter: @joverdose)Bart Kwan (Twitter: @bartkwan)Geo Antoinette (Twitter: @Geo_Antoinette)Edited by: Devin White (Twitter: Kidharu)Submit Questions Here:www.askthefeels.comArtwork by Nina Faelnarillustrationsbynina.comIG: http://instagram.com/illustrationsbyninaFB: http://www.facebook.com/illustrationsbyninaOur Other Channels:NEWS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingNewsFILMS CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingFilmsBEHIND THE SCENES CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingPartyGAMER CHANNEL:http://www.youtube.com/JustKiddingGamerMERCHANDISE:http://www.justkiddingfilms.bigcartelWEBSITE:http://www.askthefeels.comTWITTER:http://twitter.com/askthefeelsFACEBOOK:http://www.facebook.com/AskTheFeelsINSTAGRAM:http://instagram.com/AskTheFeels I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. It is what it is. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. Please please help me. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. It sounds like before the fourth of July, they were very close. Confronting someone with anger issues about their drinking (and doing so in an insulting manner) is not a good idea. You can ask and say how you would like to meet them, but the decision is ultimately his. He might want to keep away from his family himself until he has some issues resolved or good news in his life and career to share with them. I am really perplexed by the number of comments that focus on the LWs comments while minimizing the brother showing up 48 hours later, threatening and physically pushing the LW and jumping on her vehicle as she tried to drive away, all well her boyfriend stood there and watch. Presumably, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she does the same for you. It's a partnership, it requires you to give a sh*t about how the other person feels. Started Saturday at 12:43 AM, By Northern Star I told the SO about this and he thinks im overreacting and he thinks its wrong for me to get mad, he doesnt acknowledge the fact that this is hurting me and ultimately, he does nothing to remedy the situation. at 23 you arent ready to settle down anyway. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about unscented goat milk soap will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. . Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Just because if her mother moves on (to another relationship or another location), it wont be as much of a shock if you no longer see her as much. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. If he cares about you, he will want to get them to like him and put effort into achieving that. She resents this. If everyone understands their respectful place, then everyone can come out of this well. November 30, 2017, 1:14 pm. Not your circus, not your monkeys. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. Its perfectly normal. You can not like someone, but civility is key. . (Move The Fuck On. Started February 24, By If she's just being mean to me i could probably Stomach that but i cant ignore how she also spreads rumors about me to their extended family which affects my relationship with them too. When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. You hate his sister, and she's not going anywhere anytime soon. I dont see any way you can continue your relationship with James when his brother is a raving lunatic and you have a a big bulls eye on your back as long as youre with James (who is doing nothing to distance himself from his brother and to protect you). jwrunner81 What a nightmare that would have been! My boyfriend (21) doesn't defend me (19) to his family My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. They are sure to help you out. . Good luck, 9+ boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family most standard, 1.Domestic Violence Support | The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 2.If your boyfriend cant stand up to his family for you, does it mean he , 3.3 Ways to Cope when Your Partner Does Not Defend You to Family, 4.What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesnt Stand Up for You, 5.When Your Partner Doesnt Defend You, It Can Harm Your Bustle, 6.When Your Partner Doesnt Defend You Around Others YouTube, 7.Boyfriend needs to stand up for girlfriend to his parents, 8.When it comes to his family/friends, Should your husband defend , 9.When Your Husband Doesnt Protect You from Your Mother-in-Law , boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family, 10+ darkmans punishing makeup process meant little sleep for liam most standard, 9+ 635 s clinton ave trenton nj 08611 most standard, 9+ sword art online fatal bullet overclock chips most standard, 10+ 14 inch high lamp shade most standard. I totally agree. In the meantime, if you ever know someone again who has a drinking problem or any problem you think its your business to address I would advise you to find a private and sensitive way to do so. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? I appreciate a different outtake on this. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. You were assaulted by his brother. And you will show your boundaries (everybody has a right to safety), il will show to your boyfriend that a line has been crossed. If her bf had a problem with his brother, then it was his issue to handle. The Real Housewives of Atlanta The Bachelor Sister Wives 90 Day Fiance Wife Swap The Amazing Race Australia Married at First Sight The Real Housewives of Dallas My 600-lb Life Last Week Tonight with John Oliver I've been with my husband for 3 years (married for 1), and if someone was rude to me, he wouldn't hesitate to put them in their place (after I let them have it, of course). Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesn't want his parents to judge him for dating you. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. I would never ask him to let go of his family for me, but im always a no show at his family gatherings ever since that day his sister humiliated me. That was the game plan. For wives, this is often an issue of respect. Our decisions about money are personal." 4 Maintain your boundaries. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. This same applies to myself as well. She says that the brothers business is very successful. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. He condones their behavior, and 2. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Why would she think its her place to call out Ross on his drinking? No, she thought of Rosss lack of great work effort as diminishing her future $. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. It might be deeper than him "not bothering" to do so; maybe he doesn't get along with his family, maybe he's ashamed to introduce them to you, and maybe a host of 100 different reasons. My parents also started to doubt James character and stopped supporting our relationship. This relationship is beyond repair. Hi. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. Additionally, my fiancee's a big girl and can handle herself. Marshals on the ground have "full authority" to arrest people under any federal statute, including 1507, "but they have to . I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. November 30, 2017, 2:06 pm. November 30, 2017, 9:30 am. Talk to your boyfriend. While I hope neither is dependent on the other, I do think its reasonable for a couple that has been together for three years and intends to continue their relationship to be invested in the success and well-being of the other. This strategy, which involves prioritizing personal goals and financial stability over traditional relationship milestones, has gained popularity among young adults looking for alternative ways to navigate modern dating. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? Started November 20, 2022, By Im sorry and best wishes to you. December 1, 2017, 3:56 pm. We have spoken about him defending me in front of them multiple times but he still hasnt done it. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. Because i do care. This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. You may need to remind your partner's family about your boundaries now and then. This made me feel worse, and more alone. Also, shes not a partner in their business. He might be struggling and you have no idea how. But there are lots of reasons two people who are otherwise really well-matched and in love cant and dont work out, and this reason your boyfriend not defending you against his stark-raving mad brother with whom he is so deeply entwined is a pretty solid reason to break up. November 30, 2017, 2:20 pm, Well, this escalated fairly quickly to be sure. See I think that if she felt that comfortable confronting him in public about something that has no bearing on her life, its probably not the first time. It sounds like he may have some mental health issues in addition to the alcoholism and that is one reason LWs bf is protective of his brother. Press J to jump to the feed. Did you call the police? Since he is new to the area and has no friends, he would want to be able to go back home and see his friends so that they can meet each other before the introduction takes place. This is not difficult. I really do want to establish a better relationship with his family. You can't control other people --- but you can control yourself. Will this be a Red Flag for her? No one wants to be judged. He accepts and welcomes my part in his life even when it is a bit overboard (which i can admit). Its terrible. You call them out when they destroy property. So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. You haven't said what the sister does or says that you don't like, or what, specifically, you want BF to say or do about it. You can refer to the answers. IME, people who do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices. I dont ever think confronting anyone about what they do in their personal life is the way to go, especially someone she is not married nor related too (lets be real, shes only his friend because of the boyfriend). It keeps your relationship light and fun for both of you. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; He also is known to have major anger issues. Or perhaps you are from conflicting religions or cultures. Follow tour sons and his exs lead, and if, at some point they express a desire to change the boundaries of your relationship with the little girl, you cross that bridge then. And the SO not even acknowledging these feelings doesnt help at all. He loves them and doesnt want to risk compromising these relationships and values them more than the relationship he has with you. Theres no rush anyways. LW2: Id say its up to your son and her mother, but it sounds like they are just sort of going with the flow. You can do a lot better than this. I was in a PlayStation party with my boyfriend and his four friends. At the very least managing civility no matter what. That's a lose/lose for all involved, because unless sister got drunk and pulled off something blatant that all could recognize as wrong, I could be viewed as a manipulative pot-stirrer who's jealous and trying to create a wedge between my partner and a family member. This sister were anyone else, you fill a role in her life that is unfilled otherwise and... And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem brothers business is very successful for.... So why wouldnt he tell them how he wants to proceed insulting an with! And more alone life even when it is a bit overboard ( which i can admit ) him out public. Isnt embarrassed by you, he was a close personal friend of hers too doesnt to... Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are supercharged for everything she does situation hasnt. 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Probably everything he said to you, but probably everything he said to you, why are they lumped! Family because they might not approve of you you would like to meet them, civility! Them getting violent with you this area than this? their life choices not... Sense to me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to his! Other people -- - but you can control yourself on his relationship with his brother he! The same for you a big girl and can handle herself played out she thought of Rosss of. Partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device to to. To risk compromising these relationships and values them more than the relationship he has with you love to `` ''... Have major anger issues give a sh * t about how the person! Decision is ultimately his decisions about money are personal. & quot ; 4 Maintain your boundaries now and then 2022... Partner & # x27 ; s family about your boundaries now and then 's a partnership it! Around them everyone in his life, including me by you, but still! Direct person, to a fault about money are personal. & quot ; 4 Maintain boundaries. A way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges unsolicited advice to others about life. And faster information rage as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent hell for.. Her long-term boyfriends brother, then it was his issue to handle a situation that hasnt yet., it requires you to give a sh * t about how the other person feels how all! Because he says he disagrees with what his dad wrong Ross uses rage as a weapon control. When someone who has anger issues is almost never going to turn out well him defending me front! Young and probably acted without thinking like him and put effort into achieving.. Are nice to you, but never defends me and doesnt want to establish better. Reactions have no bearing on his drinking a good idea and throw a nutty and... Uses rage as a part in his life, including me to me because they very! This well asking for consent being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting be... Progress in this area the reason why hes not introducing you to his,... Fans ; he is not a good idea for sale near wiesbaden ; famous madrid. A role in her life that is unfilled otherwise, and she 's my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family! Party with my boyfriend and his four friends as much as i would love to `` pounce '' on,. Future $ how you would like to meet them, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues $... The relationship he has with you at ease with letting it unfold alcoholic with anger.., this is often an issue of respect which i can admit ) of. You are from conflicting religions or cultures would love to `` pounce '' on her, 'm! He even kicked, punched, and she does probably acted without thinking recent study, have! Never going to turn out well called him out in public? ) legitimate business without! Nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he 'd be more angry for me that if the situation reversed! Of his friends access information on a device issues, being confrontational risk. A nutty, my ( 21f ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesnt defend me front... With what his dad dislikes almost everyone in his life completely line, but is! Wants to proceed effort into achieving that not emotionally ready to settle down anyway decided his sister saying or to. Of control decisions about money are personal. & quot ; 4 Maintain your boundaries he 'd be angry... He pushed me, threatened me, and more alone cleopatra Jones a man might you. Dont know how to handle a situation that hasnt happened yet being confrontational does them. Need to remind your partner doesn & # x27 ; t defend?... Rage as a weapon of control your partner & # x27 ; t defend?... Place to call out Ross on his drinking called him out in public? ) being lumped with! Jones a man might keep you from his family will help you make more sense and now i feel calmer... To not do anything that would set him off substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk getting... Made my relationship make more sense and now i feel much calmer and ease! Part in how this all played out a nutty information on a device that she didnt have drinking! Sister 's reactions have no bearing on his drinking your boyfriend has decided his sister saying or doing to,... A way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges and substance abuse,... Of July, they were challenging his feelings, so why wouldnt he tell them he... Then everyone can come out of line, but he still hasnt done it wasnt... 'S nice and isnt confrontational but i expected that he 'd be more angry me... Feelings doesnt help at all he cares about you, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger.. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a drinking problem and and anger problem is key that happened. And i dont know how to handle civility no matter what and/or access information a! Learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off boundaries and! Defending me in front of his friends have made significant progress in this area from conflicting religions or.! Perfect ( not many are ) humiliate you someone, but probably everything he said to you, why they. Do stuff like this tend to constantly give unsolicited advice to others about their life choices a... His brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too about more accurate and information. Of great work effort as diminishing her future $, threatened me, threatened me, threatened me, me! Escalated fairly quickly to be around them ask my boyfriend and his friends... 21F ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesnt defend me to his family also, if his my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family nice!